That’s what is written on the back cover of my favourite book – Blue Like Jazz – by Donald Miller.  And honestly, it’s part of what I love most about the book…the idea of watching someone love something else.  Because everyone loves differently, it makes witnessing love – in all it’s forms – so beautiful…so poetic…so much of a learning experience.

I get to see a lot of life in my chosen profession.  It’s the very essence of what I do.  But it might even be the best part of what I do because nothing reminds you of how much true beauty lies hidden in every corner than having the opportunity to document it.

Sometimes though, what you’re documenting isn’t just love.  It’s something else.  It’s something deep…something quiet…something profound.  It’s something that you simply have to see for yourself.  It’s just that beautiful.

I’m sure that anyone who has seen Miriam and Michel together know exactly what I’m talking about.  They know that these two possess a certain “je ne sais quoi” about them that can’t quite be explained.  It can only be seen.

In a very short time from now…these two wonderful people will be among family, friends and the great woods of B.C. to say their vows to each other…to take that magic something of theirs and make it one.

We chose not to call these ‘engagement pictures’ because these are about so much more than just a wedding.  They are about a marriage…about sharing the journey together…about a union that’s been a lifetime in the making.

Miriam and Michel, I have absolutely loved the time that I got to spend with both of you.  Watching you love each other is a blessing to witness and even more so to document.  I wish you the most beautiful of wedding days…a magnificent honeymoon…and I hope that these ‘pre-getting hitched’ pictures can show even just a fraction of how amazing you are together!!

We were at a holiday get together recently…visiting with family that we hadn’t seen in a while.  Avery was making her first extended family appearance and Hudson was spending time with some familiar faces.  Meanwhile, one of Hudson and Avery’s little cousins was also making his way around the room.  Just a couple of months short of a year, he wasn’t quite walking on his own yet…but he was happily latching on to any adult fingers that were willing to help him cruise the room. That is, until, he decided to give it a try on his own!  With great anticipation, he tightly grasped onto a chair.  Then he took a step…let go with one hand…then with the next…and then like all children, he landed flat on his butt!  No tears followed…just determination.

My moment starts here.  With this little guy – in a room full of family – taking one of many tumbles that he’s bound to experience in life.

As this happened, Hudson was sitting on my lap watching intently from across the room.  He never took his eyes off his cousin.  Until he let go.  That’s when Hudson climbed off my lap…walked over to his little counterpart…and held out both of his hands to help him up.  My heart melted.  All of our hearts did.  It seriously just became a giant puddle in the middle of the room.

I had no words.  They failed me.

This certainly wasn’t the first time that Hudson has shown such kindness towards others…but Hudson has a sense of compassion for other people that often takes my breath away.  He truthfully has the biggest heart and he feels so much.  He feels distress and hurt and excitement to a degree that I never expected from a two year old…and in turn, he cares so deeply for the feelings and inclusion of others.  It is such an endearing quality of his.  And a quality that I take absolutely no credit for, as I am more than certain it is a gift that has been breathed into his spirit as opposed to being taught by his parents.  And it’s a gift we’re truly grateful for.

But here’s what happened in that tiny little moment of Hudson reaching for his cousin’s hands; I realized that my children are so much more than just my children.  In Hudson’s case, I wasn’t just raising a little boy…our son…our two year old.  I was also raising a cousin…a grandson…a brother…a friend.  And even more so…I was raising someone’s student…someone’s lab partner…someone’s boyfriend…someone’s husband…someone’s father.  My heart nearly skips a beat at the thought of such responsibility.  And it changes everything.  Because it no longer just becomes about us and them.  It’s not just about picking up their toys before bed or learning their manners.  It’s not just about our relationship with our children.  It becomes a question of their future relationships.  The people that they will inevitably become outside of being our children.  What kind of friend do we want them to be for others?  What kind of spouse do we hope our children will become?  And yes…what kind of parent do we want to teach them to be?  It’s an unbearably overwhelming task to consider sometimes.

But then a day like yesterday rolls around.  Mother’s Day.  And I remember that I’m not alone…that I’ve never been alone in this enormous project of raising two beautiful children.  Motherhood is not an island.  At least not for me.  As the gorgeous summer day passed by…as my husband and my munchkins spoiled me with breakfast and afternoon naps and smiles galore…I became acutely aware of this village.  My village.  They often say that it takes one to raise a child…but I think it takes one to raise a parent too because children aren’t the only ones who need love and encouragement and support and shoulders to cry on.  Children aren’t the only ones who are new to all of this.

As we spend our days with these little ankle biters and try to make our way in the world, we can only hope to be surrounded with people that lift us up and help us to thrive…with people that remind us that we are only human and bring us coffee when we need it most…with people who are humble enough to say “yeah…I’ve made that mistake too”.  Those people are rare and precious and should be reminded daily of how sacred they are.  Those people are my village.

And one day, when I watch my children go out on their first dates…or marry their very best friend…or become parents themselves…I look forward to telling them about the amazing people that helped them get there.  The village of people that carried their own mother through it when she couldn’t do it on her own.  When the temper tantrums became too much.  When the overwhelming sleep deprivation became too much.  When the motherly guilt became too much.

The village of people that didn’t just help raise them as children…but the village of people that helped to raise their parents…

But as far as hometowns go…I wasn’t raised here.  My childhood wasn’t spent here.  Instead, I grew up in a South Western part of the province…in London, Ontario.  A city that, in many ways, is very similar to Ottawa.

I remember how strange it was to go back there the first few times after having moved to Ottawa.  Something about it just looked so different…so much smaller.  My friends and I would go to the same places we had always gone, and yet, it was just…different.

Eventually, as the years went by, I began to return to London and have a certain affection for the place I had lived all those years.  I began to see it with a whole new set of eyes…eyes of nostalgia and comfort.  This was – after all – the place I called home for a very long time.  Now that I have children of my own, I can’t wait to take them back there and show them the places that meant so much to me growing up…the places that were my life before they became my life.  It’s important to have places to remember…

That’s why I love shooting couples in their hometowns…on the streets that they knew growing up.  I just love walking around and hearing all of their stories from childhood and adolescence.  I love being able to picture them at a different time in their life and then capture the life that they are about to embark on.  It just feels so much like being a part of the bigger story…a story that is taking a very romantic turn!

Lisa grew up here in Ottawa.  In these neighborhoods…near these same streets.  Jason – like me – grew up in South Western Ontario.  This summer, they are going to be getting married at a place that is all their own…a place that is just one part of Lisa and Jason’s story.  But on this day; this cold, wet, Spring day…the romance is being captured here…just one of the places that was Lisa’s life before her tall, handsome man became the other part of it!

That’s how my husband describes the life of raising two young children.  Lather.  Rinse.  Repeat!  It makes me laugh every time because in so many ways…it couldn’t be more true!

When I was first pregnant with Hudson, we had these grandiose ideas in our mind that our life would remain very much the same…we would just have another little member of the family around to enjoy it with us.  But we quickly came to realize that there was two ways we could go about parenting; we could either fit him into our lives or we could fit our life around him.  We chose the latter.

Hudson is a boy who thrives off of routine, and so we embraced it…understanding full well that it would be such a short period of time before his own life would include less and less of us.  Then we had Avery, who doesn’t require routine to quite the same degree that Hudson does…but has been kind enough to fall into very easily!  So our life over the past two years, for child rearing purposes, has become very routine…very organized.

And truthfully, it works for us!  A family is very much a living, breathing organism of its own that functions best off of certain checks and balances.  I have even found that the new rhythm of our life has calmed me as a person.  Maybe it’s the simplicity of it all…as having children has definitely simplified my priorities.  While you ultimately end up handing in one set of stresses for another…there is something to be said for helping a toddler learn how to swim or watching an infant roll over for the first time.  And in our case, the inner workings of our day to day life – albeit not very glamorous – works!

But having said all of this…I couldn’t really help but wonder what it looked like!  From one day to the next…what do we look like on paper?  So I challenged myself to document it…to document one day in the life of the “Smyth Corporation”.  And I’m not going to lie…while it may seem pretty simple and boring to most people.  It’s a life that makes me smile!

And one day of that life – Monday, April 23rd, 2012 – looked something like this…

While Steve was working, we were both often up and going between 5am and 6am each morning.  While he would get ready for work…I would take the opportunity to have a couple of hours to myself before the energy levels in the house went soaring!  This often made for some very long days.  Right now, given that we’re both home and we’re both usually up at least a couple of times throughout the night, we allow ourselves the luxury of sleeping until the kids wake up.  I can assure you though, that when Steve goes back to work in December…it’s going to be a painfully hard thing to let go off!!

Avery is almost always to first to wake up in the morning!  She doesn’t cry or fuss…she just lies there in her crib chatting to herself and blowing raspberries!  This is generally our “ten minute warning” that a hunger meltdown is imminent!!  But she’s a pretty easy little girl to please…so a quick bottle in bed with Daddy and she’s back to her usual happy self!

While Steve is feeding Avery, I quickly steal a minute or two to feel human before our day begins!  These are a few of the things that help make that happen!!!!  If I were stranded on a desert island, I would probably long for these products before even requesting a boat!  And yes, that does say ‘anti-aging’ on it!  As soon as the gray hairs starting growing families of their own…I decided it was time!!

Our fur ball, Tugger, can always be found at the end of our bed, right next to my slippers, patiently {and sometimes not so patiently!} waiting to be fed.  This is his ritual and he’s been doing it religiously for five years now!!  He’s also been known to chew on said slippers if breakfast is not provided in an appropriate amount of time!  This is the third pair that I’ve gone through since adopting him.  What a jerk!!  He also ate through nearly an entire chapter from the Book of Leviticus in my Bible once!  At least he’s digesting the Old Testament better than most of us!!

Once the house starts coming to life, it’s not long before Hudson follows suit.  Sometimes he’ll just sit in his room and play for a bit…other times, his “enthusiasm for life” is roaring to go from the moment he wakes up.  On this particular day…we woke up to this nonsense!  Hudson ran right to our bedroom window in order to express his confusion and dislike towards the situation!!  A boy after my own heart!

Next up…breakfast!  I’m a huge fan of this time of day!  Every one is still in a good mood…the world is still fairly quiet and with all of us home right now…it’s just an especially nice and relaxed time of day for us!  Hudson is all about dipping his foods!  Every single morning, like clockwork, he runs over to the fridge and pulls out his jar of apple butter and then climbs in his high chair!  Everything else, he’s pretty picky about…but he’s a stickler about his apple butter!  Right now, bagels with cinnamon and sugar are his dipping preference.  Tomorrow…it could be dill pickles!  We just learn to roll with it!

Espresso machine = best.investment.ever.

Our mornings are devoted entirely to the kids.  Many days are scheduled activities such as swimming, the Ottawa Public Library or play groups at our church…but at least twice a week, we try to leave the morning open for family time.  On this day, since the weather is so miserable, we’ve decided to take Hudson to Cosmic Adventures, an indoor play structure not too far from our house.  He gets deliriously excited about it and it’s perfect for days like today…when going outside doesn’t really provide a very good return on your investment.

Before going out though, we also try to spend some one-on-one time with Avery.  She’s such an easy going little girl that it’s easy to spend our days accommodating Hudson without giving her the undivided attention that she needs as well.  So, while Hudson gets ready for wherever we are going, one of us takes Avery up to her room to play with her for a bit.

Honestly, the kids’ rooms are probably my favourite spaces in our entire house.  I just love them.  They are small {the smallest rooms in our house}, but they are calm and comfortable.  They have big cozy chairs for reading and warm, snugly blankets for curling up in.  They are my tiny corners of domestic bliss!!

Our morning activities tend to wrap up around 11:30am.  That’s when we head home again to have lunch and start settling in for afternoon naps.  Due to Hudson’s food allergies {milk, soy, eggs & peanuts}, we’ve been making his food from scratch since he was five months old.  It was a challenge making sure that he got all of the protein that he needed when he had such dietary restrictions but, it also gave us a whole new appreciation for food and knowing what goes in our food.  On the menu today: five bean chili with corn and olive oil, and sweet potatoes with quinoa.  He’s also recently become completely obsessed with mandarins!  He’ll eat half a dozen of these a day!!

Sometime around noon, Avery tends to just drift off for her afternoon nap quite effortlessly.  She’s great at sleeping in her crib all night, so we’re not particular about where she takes her naps.  She tends to sleep most often in her swing during the afternoons.  This gives us a nice half hour or so to spend with Hudson on his own.  We tend to read with him or play in the family room a bit before he goes down too.  Given that he’s a pretty active little guy {he’s got the energy of a husky!}, he sleeps extraordinarily well for his naps!  Like Avery’s nursery…I just love Hudson’s room!  We were a bit anxious that when we moved him to a big boy bed {he was only eighteen months at the time}, that he might not like it and in turn, lose all of the wonderful sleep habits he had acquired.  Turned out that he loved his new bed and slept in it even better than his crib.  Come to think of it though…how could you not?  Everything Pottery Barn makes is pure heaven…even for little boys!!

Okay…nap time…this is where the real fun begins!  This is the golden window of time in which I run my business.  It’s during this two hours each afternoon where the magic happens!  The first order of business, before anything else can happen, is round two of coffee!  Then I sit myself down in my office and start tackling my list…one thing at a time.  My office is a heavenly space that I just adore!  It faces the fireplace on our second floor and looks out our back windows.  I’m surrounded with plants, pictures and my favourite books.  As far as I’m concerned, it’s an ideal environment for creative inspiration.

This day included finishing up a blog post about Avery and getting some client material ready for a meeting that I had later that evening.  Other days will include shoot planning, editing, album design, administrative work, image submission, and the list goes on!  I’m not going to lie…running a business with two very small children can be a bit daunting at times but, I’ve concluded that it comes down to being extremely productive in the short time that you have.  To help me with this, I bought an App called Teux Deux…an online daily to-do list that is synced with my iPhone.  It tracks what needs to be done during the day and carries things over throughout the week as need be.  It’s completely suited to my neurotic need for lists!!

Once the kiddos wake up, it’s time for some low key afternoon activities.  More often than not, we go out for a family run together but since the weather was garbage on this day…it was the gym instead.  Our gym provides some amazing child care services…so Hudson loves to come with me and burn off some energy as well {which also makes Mommy quite happy!}.  So I grab my iPhone, my bottle of water, my gym bag and head out the door.  I think it’s worth mentioning that my iPhone seldom ever leaves my side!!  It’s quite disturbing actually to think of how attached I have become to this piece of technology!  I spent thirty years never owning a cell phone and then last year, Steve bought me my iPhone for Mother’s Day and I now find myself wondering how I ever lived without it!

Anyways, as far as my iPhone goes, I’ve still managed to keep the App collection down to a dull roar!  As I just mentioned, Teux Deux is one that I use on a daily basis and my other two favourites are RunKeeper and, of course, Instagram.  Never having owned a point and shoot camera when Hudson was just a baby, I find Instagram perfect for document our life “on the go”!

The afternoons are also just some quiet time for playing with the kids.  “Carpet Time” as we like to call it.  Quality time to play with no phones…no computers…no distractions.  Just time to do whatever it is they want.  For Hudson, this usually means playing with cars or some other form of moving vehicle with wheels!  We seriously have about a hundred different toy cars, trains, buses or tractors all over our house and they make their appearance in the most random of places!  They show up under the couch…on my desk…in the fridge…in our boots…and Lightning McQueen has even greeted me in bed on more than one occasion!  It’s an idiosyncrasy of Hudson’s that I absolutely adore!  All of that being said…I have ended up tripping on a toy car at least once every.single.day!

It’s dinner time now and I won’t really bother you with the details since it tends to look a whole lot like breakfast and lunch!  But I will say this…it almost always has to involve ketchup!  Hudson is completely addicted to ketchup!  He’ll dip everything from hot dogs to strawberries in the stuff.  He really doesn’t discriminate!  Our major dinner time challenge as of late was getting him to drink milk.  Because of his allergies, we have to really ensure that he gets enough protein and calcium.  At this point in time, rice milk is our only option in that regard…but he really didn’t want to drink it unless it was in his bottle {which we’ve been weaning him off for some time now}.  The answer came in the form of this straw!  He’ll drink the entire glass in ten seconds flat now!  Thank you creators of the curly straw…you’re worth your weight in gold!

After dinner, our days tend to wind down a bit.  During the warm summer days, we would often go to the park next to our house and take advantage of the cooler evenings. But in the winter or on yucky, rainy days, we stay close to home and slowly unwind.  On this night, I had a client meeting on the other side of town…which meant that Daddy would be putting the little ones to bed on his own.  Like nap time, Avery tends to go down a bit earlier, which makes bedtime pretty easy.  We alternate bath nights for each of them and from there, it’s into our jammies and time for a movie {Hudson’s choice until Avery is old enough to speak her mind!}.  It’s a nice way to end the day with the kids and yes, that is a super hero cape that you see with Hudson’s pyjamas…because sometimes, it’s more fun to be ‘Thunder Boy’ for a while than it is to get ready for bed!!!

Now it’s our turn…after a very long day with two little munchkins…we finally get to sit down and just be Gen and Steve for a bit!  It’s a much savored time of day for us and right now, given that both kids are usually asleep by 8pm…we cherish our couple of childless hours each night before turning in!  We do our best to have the house cleaned up by the time the kids are sleeping so that we don’t have to spend a single second of our down time doing anything but relaxing.  For the past few weeks, we had been watching the first two seasons of The Walking Dead {and in turn, plotting our escape route in preparation for the inevitable zombie apocalypse!!} but now that that’s done and over with {read: zombie withdrawal!}, we’ve been resorting to our usual relaxing activities!

For any of  you out there that tend to collect Starbucks’ Pick of the Week cards…we grabbed one of the Word Welder cards about a month ago and have been completely addicted to it ever since!  I seriously think that we have a problem and the odds are good that carpal tunnel syndrome is in our very near future because of it!!  And of course, we read.  A lot.  If you haven’t already noticed…books are kind of a big deal around our house.  We need them like we need oxygen.  Of all the things that changed when we had children…finding the time to read wasn’t one of them!  And I’m so grateful for that.  Right now, we are both reading Blue Like Jazz and the only thing that I can really say about it is that it’s truthfully one of the best books that I’ve ever read.  I initially borrowed it from the library and about half way through, knew I had to buy a copy for the house because I already intended to read it again.  It’s that awesome!  If you haven’t already done so…please read it.  You won’t regret it!

Then, here we are…somewhere between 10pm and 11pm…and it’s time to call it a night in preparation for starting it all over again in the morning.  We’ll both likely be up a couple of times in the night with one of our little loves and we’ll feel tired and at some point, we’ll wonder if we’ll ever get to sleep through the night ever again!  But it’s okay…because we’re all happy and healthy and if I have to be exhausted…I can’t think of a better reason for being so.

And that’s our life.  At least one day of it.  It’s not glittery or glamorous.  It actually must seem pretty boring to most of you…but it’s the life that we have right now.  The life that we are living and loving.  It’s a life of repetition…a life of routine.  It’s a life of catering to the two little people that currently run our household!  But it’s also a time for us to approach life a bit differently…to approach it with simplicity and wonder.  To enjoy it for what it is…

Lather.  Rinse.  Repeat.

I had just finished shooting the birth of Cynthia and Dan’s second baby that weekend and I was culling through the pictures while returning a few emails.  I hadn’t been feeling very well that week, but I had been working so hard throughout the month that we just assumed it was a bit of fatigue and burnout.

For some reason – that evening – I just had a feeling…a feeling that it might be fatigue for a different reason.  A feeling that having been in the delivery room with Cynthia and Dan only days earlier was a sign of things to come.  And so I just sat there…I sat on the edge of the bathtub in our master bathroom, waiting for the results to tell me one way or the other…

Steve and I always knew that we wanted more than one child.  We also knew that we didn’t want to wait too long before trying to have more.  So when the second pink line showed up on the test…we also knew that it was all fitting perfectly into our plan.

But I still couldn’t help but lose my breath a little bit.  Pregnant?  Really?  So soon?  As an only child, I knew going into it that I would find myself anxious from time to time about the prospect of raising siblings.  Never having experienced the dynamics of multiple children left me feeling especially insecure about parenting multiple children.  But I knew what I wanted.  I knew that I wanted to have a larger family…I knew that I wanted someone else for Hudson to grow up with…I knew that this was everything I had hoped for.

There was a still a thousand questions though.  And right there, on the edge of the bathtub, all one thousand of them raced through my mind at once.  Would I have enough time?  Enough patience?  Enough energy?  Enough coffee?  And then the biggest question of all…would I have enough love?

Hudson had only just turned a year old.  It had taken us seven months and one miscarriage to have him.  And he was, by far, the very best decision that my husband and I had ever made.  I truly couldn’t ever imagine loving another child to the depths with which I loved our son.  And it was a scary thought.  But here we were.  After our very first try…two little pinks lines indicating one very big change!

As the months went by, I found myself constantly swinging between either ends of the emotional spectrum.  On one hand, I was deliriously excited to meet our new little lady, and on the other hand, I was terrified of not being able to do it.  Not being able to provide everything that our *gulp* children would need.  It’s a difficult feeling to want something so much without the certainty that you’re right person to have it.

So I can’t say that it was the easiest pregnancy for me, either physically or emotionally.  But the seasons came and went…and the time got closer and closer for our little one’s arrival.  Until finally, after eight months of wondering if I could do it…after seven months of throwing up and after two weeks of trying to flip our breach baby…Avery was born.  The one who took my breath away eight months earlier…did so again with her very first breath.  Steve held our daughter gently in his arms as doctors completed my surgery and twenty minutes later, when I finally got to hold her…I looked up at my husband and said “I’m not scared anymore”.  And I wasn’t.  Not even a little bit.  Every piece of anxiety that I may have possessed vanished the moment I saw those beautiful brown eyes.

All of this brings us to now.  A year later.  It brings us to the absolute ray of sunshine that is our little girl.  For all of my fears and all of my anxieties…Avery has become the handful of pixie dust that adds sparkle to every single one of my days.  Avery brings out the best in all of us.  Her smile…her laughter…her curiosity.  We are a better family because of her.  I am a better mother because of her.

I went into all of it fearing that I may not have enough love to go around…only to find out that the more I loved her…the more I end up loving everyone else as well. She is, for lack of a better word…magic!  She is the very essence of what the world needs more of!

Never, in my wildest dreams, could I have imagined adoring two children with such intensity.  Loving them together yet differently.  Loving what’s similar in them and what’s opposite about them.  Loving all things her and loving all things him.

Individually, they are Hudson and Avery.  Son and Daughter.  Brother and Sister.  Handsome and Gorgeous.  Energetic and Relaxed.  Blue eyed and Brown Eyed.

Together, they are my children.

Together, they are the best decision we ever made.  Twice!

On this day last week, while children went on the hunt for little chocolate eggs, Christians every where were raising their hands to the heavens in gratitude for the greatest sacrifice ever made.  I – on the other hand – was curled up in a ball on a bathroom floor, eight hours from my home, praying for the strength to make it to the hospital.  It wasn’t exactly the renewal I was hoping for….or the renewal I needed…or the renewal I wanted.

Or so I thought…

From the moment that Easter weekend rolled around, it was {as I described on Facebook} one colossal train wreck after another.  It started with a sick cat, a last minute vet appointment and a one day delay in our departure for Tilbury.  I won’t go into the details of that situation as it really ended up being the least of our problems, but let’s just say that it was stressful, expensive and left us immensely grateful for fantastic neighbors.  But looking back, it was – most definitely – a sign of things to come.  And it wasn’t pretty.

We did end up heading out eventually though.  In the early morning of Good Friday, we packed up the kids…all of our stuff…a stack of movies for Hudson and a giant coffee for me, and started our first trip to Tilbury as a family of four.  Already by this time, we were exhausted from the week and in desperate need of a break.  But that’s what Tilbury does best…is give us a break.  A breather.  A chance to be around family and friends with nothing else to do but enjoy our children, each other and some time away from our every day life.  So we were hopeful.  We knew that we just needed to get through the next ten hours in one piece and that reprieve would be waiting for us on the other side.

The trip was flawless.  Our children were angels.  There was no traffic to deal with.  No toddler meltdowns to be had.  No timing issues to hold us back.  In record time, we pulled up on the gravel driveway in front of the beautiful Victorian home to a kitchen smelling of freshly baked bread and a king size bed gently calling our names!  It’s been awhile since I’ve been as content as I was in that moment.  Watching Hudson run into his Dedo’s arms…watching Avery play on the floor…sitting down at the dining room table that I love so much.  It was heavenly.  It was exactly what my soul needed.

And then, about two hours later…it started.  With absolutely no indication at all of not feeling well, Hudson stood in the foyer of his grandparent’s house, in his pajamas and started to be sick.  Two hours later, he was still sick.  He was so sick, in fact, that his skin was gray and he was shivering uncontrollably.  It was terrifying.  Late into the night, we dressed him up, strapped him into his car seat and took him to the nearest hospital twenty minutes away.  Five hours after that, with some heavy-duty anti-nausea medication working its magic, we laid Hudson back down in his bed.  Buried under his big down covers, his stomach finally settled enough to let him sleep.  As we curled into our own bed, we hoped for the best.  Or at least that the worst was over.

The next twenty-four hours were still rough on our little man as he spiked a fever and continued to be sick.  He didn’t eat…couldn’t sleep…and clearly ached from what his body was putting him through.  But by Sunday morning…Easter morning…he seemed to be on the mend.  A relief to all of us who had had to watch him go through this misery.  And a hopeful indication that the weekend might redeem itself after all.  But it didn’t.

At around 6pm on the Sunday night…right in the middle of their Great Grandmother’s 90th birthday party…I felt a sudden and violent wave of nausea come over me.  In that first hour, I was sick three times.  We headed back to Tilbury from the party in my first moment of relief only to have to pull over on the side of the road so that I could be sick again.  By the time we made it back, Steve was rushing to the upstairs washroom to be sick as well.  An hour later, when Steve’s parents returned home…both of them were also ill.  Everywhere throughout the house, this illness was striking without a moment’s reprieve.  We couldn’t get the kids down to sleep because every ten minutes, someone was ill again.

Eventually, we got both children into bed {though come to think of it…I don’t recall how or when that happened}.  After a couple of hours had passed, Steve and his parents appeared to be through the worst of whatever had hit us.  But I was still having a hard time.  A brutal time actually.  It almost seemed that as the hours went on…I seemed to be getting worst.  Finally, around midnight, it was obvious that I wasn’t getting through this.  I was obvious that I needed medical attention…and quickly.  But I couldn’t go anywhere.  I could only lay on the bathroom floor.  So my husband laid down next to me, held my hand…and we prayed.  We prayed – on this Easter Sunday – that I would find relief from my pain and discomfort.  We prayed that I would gather enough strength to make it to the hospital.  And most importantly, we prayed that our daughter…our beautiful four month old little girl who was sleeping a mere ten feet away from us…would be spared this violent illness.  An hour and a half later, I made it up off the floor, into the car, and endured the drive to the emergency room where I was treated for severe dehydration {which apparently occurred because I am still nursing Avery}.  Six hours later, I crawled under the covers and slept for the next twelve hours.  It would be thirty-six hours before I could eat again and nearly five days before I could talk again because the lining of my throat was so badly burned from all of the stomach acid.

At last count, when we finally left Tilbury and headed back home to Ottawa…two more relatives had caught our illness and instead of getting sick…our little girl learned how to blow raspberries!

I feel a bit silly discussing all of this with such dramatics.  I’m not talking about cancer or a tragic car accident.  I’m talking about what ended up being a really vicious twenty-four hour stomach bug.  But I’m also talking about one of the worst twelve hours of my life.  I’m talking about a type of fear that I’ve never experienced before.  A fear of uncertainty.  A fear of desperation.  A fear of helplessness.

When we left on Friday morning, we were hoping for a weekend of joy and celebration with the people that we love.  We were hoping for some rest…some perspective…some room to take a step back and look at the bigger picture.  Instead, we watched ourselves become completely incapable of caring for our children.  We watched our son get taken to an emergency room.  We watched our health – albeit temporary – slip between our fingers.  And it was awful.

But in the beauty that is Easter, we also saw some pretty awesome miracles…prayers answered in plenty.  We were able to get all of the medical care that we needed because of family that – without hesitation – offered to be with and care for our children.  We watched our daughter come through this entire ordeal unscathed.  We were given the necessary time and space needed to properly recover.  And despite how it may seem…I did actually find what I went to Tilbury hoping for.  Perspective.  It may not have come in the festive, “low impact” manner that I may have originally envisioned…but it came.  And it came perhaps in the very best way that Easter could provide…in prayer.

Right there, on the bathroom floor…with my husband’s hand tightly holding my own.  With our daughter asleep within sight and our son asleep on the other side of the wall.  Right there, came all the perspective I would ever need.  That, as obvious as it may be, our health and happiness really is all that matters.  And for me, my happiness was that hand that I was squeezing onto so desperately…the tiny little girl that I wanted to protect…my little man that had been so brave all this time…and the amazing people that were helping us all get through this.  At the end of the day, as I laid on the floor, I didn’t care about how many more weddings I booked…how many hits this blog received…how many workouts I did or didn’t do last week.  I cared about the same thing we all do…and the same thing we all tend to take for granted at the very same time.

We’re all back home now and trucking along the road to recovery.  Hudson is still moving a bit slower than usual and we’re doing our best to help him regain the weight that he lost over the course of the week.  Steve will be happy if he never has to see the inside of an emergency room ever again.  Avery is still healthy and still quite pleased with herself over her newly acquired skill!  And as for me…I’m getting there too.  I try to spend a good chunk of my days in silence as my throat still hasn’t quite healed and I’m taking an extra bit of time to really consider what kind of changes I want to make to ensure that what matters most to me gets the best part of me…and the healthiest part of me.

I’m sure that years from now, we’ll all sit around that dining room table that I love so much and tell the kids about the Easter Plague of 2012…and maybe even have a laugh or two about it.  But for me, I will forever remember it as the Easter that both literally and figuratively…brought me to my knees.  And as painful as it was…it was exactly what I needed.  Easter – like always – was exactly what I needed…

It was the summer that I turned twenty-one when I learned that little tidbit of wisdom!  I was working out West that year, on an extraordinary marketing campaign.  Our job – without going into too much detail – was to make things happen.  Our job was to embrace every opportunity that crossed our path and, at the very least, see what might come of it.  Our job was to look for potential in places where it might not otherwise be seen.  Our job…was to ask for forgiveness…not for permission.

I’m not going to lie…that was a wild summer!  It involved chasing trucks down the Trans Canada highway…it involved some reverse bungee jumping…and it even involved some stuffed polar bears hanging out in the woods!  But most of all, it involved learning.  Learning what risks to take and which ones to let go.  Learning which adventures to jump on board with and which ones to save for another time.  It involved learning when to ask for forgiveness…and not for permission.

Now, twelve years later, I always keep that lesson tucked away in the back of my mind…somewhere safe…somewhere handy for when I need it.  And photography is often a time when I need it most.

Photography is often about anticipation.  Photography is about seeing potential in what might seem otherwise ordinary.  Photography is very much about asking for forgiveness and not always for permission…because sometimes, asking for permission might mean that it’s too late.  Too late for the perfect light…too late for the perfect season…too late for the perfect couple…and, in turn, too late for that perfect shot that you want to capture.

Heather and Tom were all about making that perfection happen…even if it meant offering me forgiveness!!!  Their shoot was very much about patience and timing.  First we had to hold off because of tumultuous weather…then we had to wait patiently for our ideal location to no longer be under a foot of water…then we may or may not have had to venture into “uncertain territory” in order to embrace a golden opportunity.  We also may have attempted to play with some bubbles that ended in epic failure!  But nonetheless…it was worth the attempt!

Hopefully, what comes next will have made all of the back woods hiking worthwhile…hopefully it will have made the soaking feet worthwhile…hopefully it will have made the rather treacherous landscape worthwhile…

Hopefully, Heather and Tom…it will make forgiving me worthwhile!!!!

There’s this really sweet old lady that lives a few streets down from us.  Every single day – rain or shine – she goes for a walk through the neighborhood.  It takes her about two hours to walk four blocks…but she does it!  Most days, we tend to cross paths with her en route either to or from our destination and each time we do, her face lights up at the sight of Hudson in his stroller!  She waddles over to us as quickly as she can and starts chatting up a storm with our little man!  She is actually so enamored with Hudson that it took her two whole months to even realize that we had Avery!!!  What can I say…our kid is a total flirt!

Anyways, a little while ago, we ran into her on the street when I was coming back from the gym.  I had both kids bundled in the stroller…my gym bag over one shoulder…Hudson’s backpack over the other…and Avery’s diaper bag strung over the handlebar.  We stopped for our usual daily update with her and when she asked where we had been, I explained that we were on our way home from the gym and the grocery store.  On this particular day, I also explained that – unfortunately – we didn’t have tons of time to chat because I needed to get everyone home and fed before I left for my shoot.

She gave me her best sympathetic eyes and as we parted ways, she gently squeezed my hand and said “you know…if you keep this up, I might just have to start calling you Wonder Women!”

That was it.  That was my fraudulent feeling moment!  As the words came out of her mouth, one part of me felt like hugging her, while the other part of me felt like punching her in the throat!!!  Not because I didn’t appreciate the sentiment…but because I felt like she was just one step closer to uncovering my secret…that I actually haven’t been feeling much of Wonder Anything lately!

The last month or so has been a roller coaster ride of insanity!!!  I thought that having my husband home would make me less busy but, in a lot of ways, it just seems to open up more time to do…well, more stuff!  And that’s not always a good thing.  The past four weeks have been a plethora of client meetings, photo sessions, volunteer work for our church, time at the gym, going out for runs, road trips to visit family and the list goes on.  All of these things are great except that when you flutter in every direction…it can suck the “wonder” right out of you…leaving you to do bits of everything instead of truly fulfilling anything.  Needless to say that after a month of this, the wonderful side of me feels a bit depleted.  No more wonder mom…wonder wife…wonder photographer and least of all wonder woman!

What it did lead to though was me spending the better part of the weekend in bed.  My body calling it quits.  My stamina officially running out.  As my father-in-law puts it…”you can only maintain that pace for so long…”

In between my three hour naps though, I began to wonder about something else; what exactly compels a person to change?  And I don’t just mean changing your sheets or changing your haircut…I mean fundamental change?  What needs to happen in order to change the core behaviours that we struggle with long term?  Is it a bad report from the doctor?  A close call with a loved one?  Or just one headache too many?  After nearly an entire weekend in bed, I still have no idea…but I’m definitely up for the challenge of trying.  Mostly because it’s just not like me to allow myself to get so out of sorts.  I thrive off of balance…off of that fine equilibrium that defines determination from the sacred art of living.  But like everyone else, I fall out of line with my priorities sometimes.  Isn’t that what the proverbial “wagon” is for…so that we have something to fall off of?!?!

Anyways, having said all of this, I’m on a mission to turn things around now.  To breathe a bit deeper…to walk a bit slower…to sleep a bit longer.  And of course, dream a bit bigger.  I’m on a mission to find my “wonder” again!  At least a little piece of it!  Our time together as a family is far too short for me to spend it all going a mile a minute.  And not to mention that my recent diet of caffeine and Tylenol is getting a bit old!

So to start things off right, we’re heading to one of our most favourite places on earth in a few days.  We are off to visit Steve’s parents for the Easter long weekend and introducing Avery to Tilbury for the first time.  I always loved making the drive to this beloved house…but doing so with my children is even more amazing.  We are actually going to be celebrating their great grandmother’s 90th birthday on Sunday {complete with an Easter egg hunt in the park and a visit from my dearest friend}…something that not a whole lot of children will ever be able to say they’ve done.

I can’t possibly think of a more perfect beginning to a new perspective than celebrating that kind of life…a truly wonderful life!

And though I haven’t really been able to put this new start into words very well…I’m grateful that I’ve had my iPhone around to do a far better job of document what’s been inspiring me.

Isn’t Instagram the best?  You might even say that it’s…wonderful!!!

Every week, right around this time, you start pouring out your charm and teasing me with all of your enticing weekend activities!  Oh, how I love you!!  I hope that we always have such a great relationship!!!

To salute this day for all it’s awesomeness, I wanted to give a little shout out to Angela and all of the wonderful people over at Weddingbells Magazine for featuring Kristen & Aaron’s wedding this past week.  Shot last August, this wedding was glamour at it’s very best and it’s such an amazing honour to have it recognized as one of Weddingbells’ Real Weddings.

If you have a chance, please hop over and take a browse around their site…check out the feature…and show them some much deserved love!  Be sure to click here if you haven’t already seen the rest of Kristen & Aaron’s gorgeous wedding…it’s heavenly!

And as for you dear Friday…we have a hot date tonight!  Don’t be late!

]]> http://www.fifteenfiftyone.ca/blog/wedding/weddingbells/feed/ 0 http://www.fifteenfiftyone.ca/blog/engagement/keri-greg-engagement/ http://www.fifteenfiftyone.ca/blog/engagement/keri-greg-engagement/#comments Tue, 27 Mar 2012 21:04:04 +0000 genevieve georget http://www.fifteenfiftyone.ca/blog/?p=5157 It is, by far, one of my favourite days of the year…

It’s the day that you walk outside for the first time and feel warmth instead of shivers.  It’s the day that you lift your face up to the sun and the air just smells different.  It’s the day in which the snow starts melting, the birds start singing, and the world starts rising again.

Everything feels lighter all of the sudden.  Our worries…our layers of clothing…our attachment to the season we’ve so intimately come to know.  Just like that…our spirits have been lifted.

It’s the day that tells you Spring is just around the corner.

For those of us who spend a fair bit of the year enduring cold climates…you know this feeling well!  And you know how exciting it is to feel as though long term warmth is near!  For some, it’s the mere thought of summer dresses and pretty, painted toes.  For others, it’s steak on the back deck and football in the park.  For me, it’s my camera.  After what tends to be a much slower season throughout the winter, my camera and I finally get to go out and play together once again.  And the idea of it…the feel of it…the very sight of Spring evening light makes my heart skip a beat!

When Keri, Greg and I started planning out their engagement session, we were anticipating a set of images covered in snow…images that were going to contrast those that followed their upcoming summer wedding.  But instead, we found ourselves playing in the woods on that day.  That beautiful, warm Spring day that spoiled us with golden sunlight…warm comforting breezes…and believe it or not…short sleeves.  In March!!

So here I was…enjoying the first session of my upcoming season in the most indulgent of ways; on that day…enjoying that weather…with that amazing couple in front of my camera {whom I happen to adore!}.

I hope that it goes without saying, but as far as opening acts go, it truly doesn’t get any better than…{you guessed it!}…that!